Managing emotions

Being in transition can be a very emotional time. It can feel like a death in the family or it can be a very exciting time filled with possibilities. Which feeling is correct? They both are, depending on the individual. For some, this is a time when there is a lot of uncertainty and for others, great potential.

In her book On Death and Dying (1969), psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross describes the five stages of grieving. While her work focused on the loss of a loved one, these concepts may be applicable to the loss of your job. The five stages are and may sound like:

1. Denial - "This isn’t really happening. I can still go on enjoying life doing all the things I usually do."

2. Anger - "I can’t believe this. It’s their fault I ‘m in this situation and it makes me so mad. They are a bunch of fools and they don’t know what they are doing."

3. Bargaining - "Maybe I can get my job back if I offer go part-time or tell them I am willing to take a pay cut."

4. Depression - "There is nothing I can do. There are no jobs out there. Why should I even bother trying to find something?"

5. Acceptance - "Ok! It is what it is. Time to start exploring and seeing what’s out there!"

While some people may experience all of the stages described above, not everyone will. Nor may they be experienced in the order presented. Furthermore, you may bounce from one to another and in no particular order. Work your way through the feelings you have knowing that it may take time. You can’t force your way through them. These feelings are common but pay attention: if you get stuck in one of the first four, it may have a negative impact on your job search.

Denial, while typical at the beginning stages, skews your perception of what is actually happening to you and may hinder your ability to start your job search. Anger will poison your answers during an interview and can show up in either the words you choose or the attitude you present. Bargaining focuses your energies on unrealistic outcomes. Depression can stop you cold in your tracks, halting your search altogether.

So what might you do if you get stuck? Talk to someone! Talk to your coach. Coaches are non-judgmental. If you are depressed and feel it is more than the job search blues, contact a mental health professional.

On occasion your search may come to what feels like a complete halt, and you may become very frustrated. This is referred to as “hitting the wall.“ This is the time to focus on keeping your job search pipeline filled. Talk to one more person – apply for one more job. The things you did before may start to work their way through the process, and you may see a flurry of activity. Don’t let the wall stop you!

Bottom line: it’s ok to feel what you feel and to acknowledge it! Talk to your coach and keep looking forward.

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